簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)課前三分鐘（精選22篇）

　　會(huì)講笑話(huà)的人都是有幽默感的人，有幽默感的人患上抑郁癥的可能性就大為減少，以下是小編幫大家整理的簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)課前三分鐘作文，歡迎閱讀與收藏。

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)課前三分鐘 篇1

　　After burying his mother nine months earlier, a client of the local mortuary finally hadenough money to purchase the expensive coffin hed originally wanted. So we exhumed thebody and transferred his deceased mother into the new steel casket. "Whats so special aboutthis coffin?" I asked the funeral director. He replied, It has a lifetime warranty.

　　在將母親下葬9個(gè)月后，當(dāng)?shù)貧泝x館的一個(gè)客戶(hù)終于攢夠了錢(qián)去買(mǎi)那副他早就相中的價(jià)值不菲的棺材了。他把母親的棺材挖了出來(lái)，將尸體轉(zhuǎn)移到了那副新的鋼制棺材中�！斑@副棺材有什么特別?”我問(wèn)葬禮的承辦人。他回答說(shuō)，“這種棺材終生保修。

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)課前三分鐘 篇2

　　I Could Do It Slower

　　我可以干得慢一些

　　Patient: What do you charge for pulling a tooth?

　　病人：拔一顆牙收費(fèi)多少?

　　Dentist: Fifty dollars.

　　牙醫(yī)：50美元。

　　Patient: Fifty dollars for a couple of minutes' work?

　　病人：只幾分鐘的活兒就要50美元?

　　Dentist: Well, I could do it slower, if you like.

　　牙醫(yī)：好的，如果你喜歡的話(huà)，我可以干得慢一些。

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)課前三分鐘 篇3

　　A lorry driver makes inquiry of a mountaineer :" Excuse me, where can I buy the autoaccessories in the neighborhood ?" Mountaineer says:" Some people usually drive heroic car onthe road .There is a abrupt turn ahead not far from here, and a clough just below it, where youcan find all kinds of the auto accessories . You will spend no money at all."

　　一個(gè)卡車(chē)司機(jī)向一山民打聽(tīng)：“請(qǐng)問(wèn)，這附近哪兒能買(mǎi)到汽車(chē)配件?”　　山民說(shuō)：“這條路上經(jīng)常有人開(kāi)英雄車(chē)，前面不遠(yuǎn)處是個(gè)急轉(zhuǎn)彎，急轉(zhuǎn)彎的下面就是深谷，那深谷里什么樣的汽車(chē)配件都有——根本用不著花錢(qián)�！�

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)課前三分鐘 篇4

　　In the supermarket was a man pushing a cart which contained a screaming, bellowing baby.The gentleman kept repeating softly, "Don't get excited, Albert; don't scream, Albert; don'tyell, Albert; keep calm, Albert."

　　一個(gè)人在超市里推著購(gòu)物車(chē)，一個(gè)小孩子在車(chē)?yán)锊煌５拇蟪炒蠼�。推�?chē)的男人一直溫柔地念叨著：”別激動(dòng)，阿爾伯特，別嚷出來(lái)，阿爾伯特，別叫，阿爾伯特，冷靜，阿爾伯特。"

　　A woman standing next to him said, "You certainly are to be commended for trying to sootheyour son, Albert."

　　站在他旁邊的一位女士對(duì)他說(shuō)道：“您能這樣安慰您的兒子阿爾伯特真的讓我們感到很不容易�！�

　　The man looked at her and said, "Lady, I'm Albert."

　　男人看著那位女士說(shuō)：“太太，我是阿爾伯特。

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)課前三分鐘 篇5

　　On my first day of classes at my university I took a front-row seat in my literature course.

　　大學(xué)的第一天，文學(xué)課我坐在了前排。

　　The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose.

　　教授告訴我們這學(xué)期必須得讀五本書(shū)，他提供我們可供選擇的作者名單。

　　Then he ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book and began, "Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook..."

　　隨后他緩步走上講臺(tái)，拿出課本，“貝克、布萊克、布魯斯、卡特、庫(kù)克…”

　　I was working feverishly to get down all the names when I felt a tap on my shoulder. The student in back of me whispered, "He's taking attendance."

　　為了寫(xiě)下所有的名字，我不得不瘋狂的作著記錄。這時(shí)有人輕輕的拍我肩膀，坐在我后面的學(xué)生悄悄告訴我：“他在點(diǎn)名呢�！�

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)課前三分鐘 篇6

　　A School-report The father was reading the school-report which had just been handed to him by his hopeful son. His brow was wrathful as he read: "English, poor, French, weak, mathematics, mathematics, Fair," and he gave a glance of disgust at the quaking lad. "Wall, Dad." Said the son, "it is not as good as it might be, but have you seen that?" And he pointed to the next line, which read: "Health excellent."

　　學(xué)期總結(jié) 父親正在讀兒子剛剛交給他的學(xué)期總結(jié)，他的兒子滿(mǎn)懷希望的看著他，而他則生氣的讀著學(xué)期總結(jié)："英語(yǔ),差;法語(yǔ),中;數(shù)學(xué),良."然后,他厭惡地看著那個(gè)正在抖動(dòng)著身子的小子."恩,老爸."兒子說(shuō):"那沒(méi)有達(dá)到本來(lái)應(yīng)該達(dá)到的優(yōu)秀水平，不過(guò)你沒(méi)看到那兒?"他指著下一行，讀到："健康狀況，優(yōu)秀。" 鮮艷)

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)課前三分鐘 篇7

　　Hanging in the hallway at Whites High School in Wabash, Ind., and the basketball team pictures from the past 40 years. A player in the center of the front row in each picture holds a basketball identifying the year －"62-63", "63-64", "64-65", etc.

　　One day I spotted a freshman looking curiously at the photos. Turning to me, he said, "Isn't it strange how the teams always lost by one point?"

　　位于印第安那州瓦巴西的懷茲中學(xué)，其門(mén)廳里懸掛著過(guò)去四十年間樣籃球隊(duì)的照片。每幅照片前排中間的隊(duì)員舉著一個(gè)籃球，上面標(biāo)明年份－“62-63”，“63-64”，“64-65”等等。

　　一天，我看到一個(gè)新生很困惑地看著照片。他朝我轉(zhuǎn)過(guò)身來(lái)，說(shuō)道：“多奇怪呀，這些隊(duì)都是以一分之差輸?shù)舻模?quot;

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)課前三分鐘 篇8

　　A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.

　　小學(xué)四年級(jí)的教師正在給學(xué)生們上一堂邏輯課。

　　"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"

　　她舉了這么一個(gè)例子：“有這樣一種情況，一個(gè)男人在河中心的船上釣魚(yú)，突然失去重心掉進(jìn)了水里。于是他開(kāi)始掙扎并喊救命。他的妻子聽(tīng)到了他的喊聲，知道他并不會(huì)游泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。誰(shuí)能告訴我這是為什么？”

　　A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"

　　一個(gè)女生舉手答道，“是不是去取他的存款？”

　　Tips: bank在英語(yǔ)中除了我們平時(shí)很熟悉的“銀行”之外，還有“河岸”的意思。

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)課前三分鐘 篇9

　　Hanging in the hallway at Whites High School in Wabash, Ind., and the basketball team pictures from the past 40 years. A player in the center of the front row in each picture holds a basketball identifying the year －"62-63", "63-64", "64-65", etc.

　　One day I spotted a freshman looking curiously at the photos. Turning to me, he said, "Isn't it strange how the teams always lost by one point?"

　　位于印第安那州瓦巴西的懷茲中學(xué)，其門(mén)廳里懸掛著過(guò)去四十年間樣籃球隊(duì)的.照片。每幅照片前排中間的隊(duì)員舉著一個(gè)籃球，上面標(biāo)明年份－“62-63”，“63-64”，“64-65”等等。

　　一天，我看到一個(gè)新生很困惑地看著照片。他朝我轉(zhuǎn)過(guò)身來(lái)，說(shuō)道：“多奇怪呀，這些隊(duì)都是以一分之差輸?shù)舻模?quot;

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)課前三分鐘 篇10

　　I was accompanying my husband on a business trip. He carried his portable computer with him, and the guard at the airport gate asked him to open the case. It was locked, and the man waited patiently as my embarrassed spouse struggled to remember the combination. At last he succeeded.

　　我陪丈夫一起出差，他帶著他的筆記本電腦。到了機(jī)場(chǎng)出口處時(shí)， 有位檢查員要他打開(kāi)包。但是包鎖上了，機(jī)場(chǎng)工作人員耐心地等著我那窘迫的丈夫設(shè)法回想起暗鎖的密碼。最后他終于想起來(lái)了。

　　“Why are you so nervous?"I asked him.

　　”你為什么那么緊張呢？“我問(wèn)他。

　　"The numbers are the date of our annivorsary．my husband confessed.

　　“密碼是我們的結(jié)婚紀(jì)念日。”他承認(rèn)道”

　　你太晚了 You are too late 幽默笑話(huà)

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)課前三分鐘 篇11

　　One day, John was back home after work. He found that his wife was shaking their daughter who was only half a year old. She said "Da-Dy" to the baby many times. John felt very happy because he thought his wife chose the word "Dady" to teach their baby.

　　During one night several weeks later, John and his wife were waken up by the cry "Dady". His wife said to him, "Darling, she is calling you." Then she turned to sleep.

　　一天下班回家，約翰發(fā)現(xiàn)妻子在搖半歲的女兒，嘴里反復(fù)念道：“爸-爸�！奔s翰心里感到美滋滋的，他的妻子選擇了“爸爸”這個(gè)詞首先教孩子。

　　幾周后的一天夜里，約翰和妻子被一陣哭聲驚醒了，“爸-爸!”“她在叫你，親愛(ài)的�！逼拮诱f(shuō)，然后翻身竟自睡了。

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)課前三分鐘 篇12

　　After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.""Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"

　　和盲約對(duì)象呆了一晚上后，男人再也受不了了。他事先安排了個(gè)朋友給他打電話(huà)，這樣他就能借故先離開(kāi)了。當(dāng)他回到桌邊，他垂下眼睛，裝出一副陰沉的表情，說(shuō)：“有個(gè)不幸的消息，我的祖父剛剛?cè)ナ懒��！薄爸x天謝地！”他的約會(huì)對(duì)象說(shuō)，“如果你的祖父不死，我的祖父就得死了！”

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)課前三分鐘 篇13

　　A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and the insurance company paid for everything."

　　"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."

　　The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?" he asked.

　　一個(gè)律師與一個(gè)工程師在加勒比海邊釣魚(yú)。律師說(shuō)：“我到這里是因?yàn)槲业姆孔颖淮蠡馃�了，保險(xiǎn)公司賠償了我所有的損失�！�

　　“這太巧了，”工程師說(shuō)，“我是因?yàn)榉孔颖缓樗疀_垮了，保險(xiǎn)公司也賠償了所有的損失�！�

　　律師看起來(lái)有些困惑，“你是怎么引起洪水的？”他不解的問(wèn)。

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)課前三分鐘 篇14

　　The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate.

　　The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

　　由于客人在吃蘋(píng)果餡餅時(shí)，家里沒(méi)有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開(kāi)了屋子。過(guò)了一會(huì)兒，他拿著一片奶酪回到房間，把奶酪放在客人的盤(pán)子里。

　　客人微笑著把奶酪放進(jìn)嘴里說(shuō)：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪?” “在捕鼠夾上，先生�！蹦切∧泻⒄f(shuō)。

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)課前三分鐘 篇15

　　One day, the father lets eight-year-old son send a letter. The son took the letter. The father then remembered he didn't write address and addressee's name on the envelope.

　　After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter into the mail box?"

　　"Certainly."

　　"You didn't notice that?the envelope does not have address and addressee's name on it?"

　　"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."

　　"Then why?didn't you take it back?"

　　"I thought that you?did not write address and addressee, because you wouldn't let me know to whom you send the letter!"

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)課前三分鐘 篇16

　　The father was reading the school report which had just been handed to him by his hopeful son. His brow was wrathful(憤怒的) as he read,

　　父親在看他那滿(mǎn)懷希望的兒子帶回來(lái)的學(xué)校成績(jī)單。他邊看邊露出憤怒的表情：

　　"English, poor. French, weak. mathematics, fair." and he gave a glance of disgust at the quaking lad(少年，小伙子).

　　“英語(yǔ)，差;法語(yǔ)，差;數(shù)學(xué)，中。”他厭惡地瞥了在發(fā)抖的兒子一眼。

　　"Well, Dad." said the son, "It is not as good as it might be, but have you seen that?" And he pointed to the next line which read, "health, excellent."

　　“爸爸，”兒子說(shuō)，“可能成績(jī)不夠理想。但您看到那一項(xiàng)了嗎?”他指了指下一行：“健康狀況，優(yōu)�！�

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)課前三分鐘 篇17

　　A tourist passing through South Dakota stopped at a blood bank to make a donation. Afterward，he was resting on a cot and saw another donor, who appeared to be a Native American.

　　有個(gè)旅行者在穿越南達(dá)科這州時(shí)，在一家膚血站獻(xiàn)了血.獻(xiàn)血后他坐在一張小床上休息。這時(shí)，他見(jiàn)到另一個(gè)人前來(lái)獻(xiàn)血.那個(gè)人看起來(lái)好像是美國(guó)的本土人。這個(gè)旅行家于是就和他攀談起來(lái)�！澳闶遣皇亲≡诼纺沁叺奶K族印地安人保護(hù)區(qū)?”

　　The tourist struck up a conversation and asked,”Do you live on the Sioux reservation up the road?"

　　“沒(méi)錯(cuò)兒�！蹦侨嘶卮�.

　　"Yes，"the man replied.

　　“你是百分之百血統(tǒng)的蘇族印地安人嗎?”

　　"Are you a full-blooded Sioux?"

　　“噢，不能完全這么說(shuō)?. "那人說(shuō):“我現(xiàn)在就缺少了一品脫的血.”

　　"Well，actually，no，"said the man. "Right now I'm a pint low. "

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)課前三分鐘 篇18

　　Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents' house. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers, when the younger one began praying at the top of his lungs: "I pray for a bicycle. I pray for a new toy."

　　兩個(gè)小男孩在祖父母家過(guò)夜。睡覺(jué)的時(shí)候，兩個(gè)小男孩跪在床邊開(kāi)始祈禱，這時(shí)小一些的孩子扯開(kāi)嗓子大聲喊道：“我祈求得到一輛自行車(chē)。我祈求有一個(gè)新玩具�！�

　　His older brother leaned over, nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."

　　他的哥哥靠過(guò)來(lái)，用肘輕碰他說(shuō)：“你為什么這么大聲喊叫呢？上帝又不是聾子�！�

　　To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"

　　弟弟回答說(shuō)：“是的，但是奶奶聽(tīng)不到呀！”

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)課前三分鐘 篇19

　　during the doctor's periodic visit to my elderly mother, i told him that mother would be celebrating her 98th birthday in few days. delighted by the news, he bent down and gave her a kiss for the occasion. he then announced that he, too, would be celebrating a birthday in few days and asked for a kiss in return.

　　醫(yī)生按期來(lái)探視我的老母。我告訴他母親不幾天就要慶祝她98歲的生日了。醫(yī)生聽(tīng)了也很高興，為此，他彎下腰來(lái)親了她一下。然后他說(shuō)不幾天他也要慶祝自己的生日，并要求她還他一個(gè)吻。

　　when he left, my mother shook her head in disgust. "can you imagine, " she said. "seventy dollars and i had to kiss him too!

　　醫(yī)生走后，我母親厭惡地?fù)u搖頭�！澳隳芟胂髥�，”她說(shuō)，“付了他70元，我還得親他!”

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)課前三分鐘 篇20

　　Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

　　At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

　　它們是從美國(guó)直接帶來(lái)的

　　一位中國(guó)老婦人在美國(guó)看望女兒回來(lái)不久,到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元.在銀行柜臺(tái),銀行職員認(rèn)真檢查了每一張鈔票,看是否有假.

　　這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩,最后實(shí)在忍耐不住說(shuō)：“相信我,先生,也請(qǐng)你相信這些鈔票.這都是真正的美元,它們是從美國(guó)直接帶來(lái)的.”

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)課前三分鐘 篇21

　　Traveling salesmen make their living visiting as many customers as possible. So speeding to get from one appointment to the next is not unheard-of. Which is how I got pulled over by a highway patrolman. "Don't you ever look at the speedometer?" the officer scolded. Before I knew it, the truth spilled from my mouth. "As fast as I was going," I admitted, "I was afraid to take my eyes off the road."

　　因?yàn)槁眯型其N(xiāo)員為了謀生需要拜訪(fǎng)盡量多的客戶(hù)，所以超速飛車(chē)趕場(chǎng)對(duì)于他們來(lái)說(shuō)也不是沒(méi)有過(guò)的事情。有一次我就因?yàn)槌�速度行駛被一個(gè)公路巡警攔了下來(lái)�！澳阌袥](méi)有看過(guò)你的時(shí)速表？”那名警官責(zé)問(wèn)。當(dāng)我的回答一出口，我立刻后悔了，但已經(jīng)太晚了�！败�(chē)開(kāi)得越來(lái)越快”，我如實(shí)地說(shuō)，“我的眼睛得一直盯著前面，沒(méi)敢看別的”。

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)課前三分鐘 篇22

　　One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions.

　　Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."

　　一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個(gè)孩子正處于那種對(duì)什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問(wèn)題。他向父親發(fā)問(wèn)道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說(shuō)，“你瞧那兒站著兩個(gè)警察。如果我把他們看成了四個(gè)，那么我就算醉了�！�

　　"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

　　“可是，爸爸，”孩子說(shuō)，“那兒只有一個(gè)警察呀！”