非常短的英語小笑話1

　　紋身

　　A few months after Tom and I were married一during World War II, he was shipped off to Pearl Harbor. In one of his first letters，he wrote，"I'm going to have a Navy battle-ship tattooed on my chest.”

　　二戰(zhàn)中，湯姆和我剛結(jié)婚幾個月，他就被派到珍珠港。在他早期的一封信中，他寫道:“我想把海軍戰(zhàn)艦紋刻在胸前�！�

　　Instead of pleading, I answered sim*,“Send me a pitcture of your tattoo，and I'll have a duplicate put on my chest. "

　　我沒有勸阻，只是簡單地回了信:“給我寄一張你紋旁的照片來，然后我也在我的'胸前仿紋一個�！�

　　We have been married for 51 years. Neither of us has a tattoo.

　　我們現(xiàn)在已結(jié)婚51年了，誰也沒紋過身。

非常短的英語小笑話2

　　關(guān)心

　　A customer at my teller's window was grumbling about the low interest rate on his savings account. He finally said he was just going to take all his money out of the bank，dig a hole in his back yard and bury it.

　　一位顧客站在我的出納窗口前，埋怨存錢的利率太低。最后，他說他妥把所有的錢從銀行里取出來，在自家后院挖個坑，把錢理了。

　　The teller next to rne leaned over. "Sir，I couldn't help overhearing. Tell me, what is your address?".

　　隔壁窗口的出納員探過身來說:“先生，我實在不怒愉聽，但還是聽到了，告訴我，您住在什么地才?”

非常短的英語小笑話3

　　過分緊張

　　My little girl loves animals，but one day she was bitten by a small field mouse she'd found. She carried it home in her pocket and told me what happened. Worried about rabies，I called our town humane society and was told that the animal would have to be examined, and they'd send someone for it.

　　我的小女兒喜歡動物。但有一天，她被一只她找到的小田鼠咬了一口。她把那小動物放在口袋里帶了回來，并把所發(fā)生的一切都告訴了我。由于害怕她被傳染上鼠痊，我給鎮(zhèn)上的私區(qū)醫(yī)院打了電話。他們告訴我這個小動物應(yīng)被檢查一下，還說他們會派人去把它取走。

　　When the humane-society truck pulled up，a big man got out，put on a pair of gauntlets and took a capture stick and a big cage from the back of the truck. Trying not to laugh, I handed him a small shoe box containing the mouse.

　　社區(qū)醫(yī)院的卡車停在了我家門口，一個大個子下了車，他戴**防護手套，從車的后箱里取出一根棍子和一個籠子。我

　　盡量克制自己不笑出來，把那裝有小田鼠的杜盒子遞給了他。

　　"Lady，"he said，seeing my expression, "they only told me it was a wild animal. "

　　“太太，”當(dāng)他看到我的表情時他說，“他們只告訴我說是好生動物�！�

非常短的英語小笑話 (菁選3篇)擴展閱讀

非常短的英語小笑話 (菁選3篇)（擴展1）

——短的小英語笑話 (菁選3篇)

短的小英語笑話1

　　Tony and his father are eating dinner .

　　托尼正和他爸爸一起吃晚餐。

　　Suddenly Tony asks his father, “Dad, are flies yummy ?”

　　突然，托尼問他的.爸爸：“爸爸，蒼蠅好吃嗎?”

　　Dad frowns and says, “No, I think it’s yucky . Why do you ask me this question ? It’s a silly question.”

　　爸爸皺眉說：“我想不好吃。你怎么會問這個問題?這可是一個愚蠢的問題�！�

　　But Tony says, “ There was one fly in your plate .”

　　可是托尼說：“剛才你盤子里有一只蒼蠅�！�

短的小英語笑話2

　　Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.

　　小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。

　　"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

　　“昨天給你的錢干什么了?”

　　"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

　　“我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。

　　"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

　　“你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說�！霸俳o你兩分錢�？赡銥槭裁磳δ俏焕咸�太那么感興趣呢?”

　　"She is the one who sells the candy."

　　“她是個賣糖果的。”

短的小英語笑話3

　　During the com*r class，the teacher chastised one boy for talking to the girl sitting behind him.

　　計算機課上，老師批評一個男生，因為他和后邊的女生說話。

　　"I was just asking her a question，”the boy said.

　　“我只不過問她一個問題�！蹦猩�說。

　　"If you have a question, ask me, "the teacher replied

　　“如果你有問題，問我好了�！崩蠋熣f道。

　　“OK，"the boy answered.“Do you want to go out with me Friday night?"

　　“那好吧，”這個男生說，“周五晚上你愿意和我一起出去嗎?”

非常短的英語小笑話 (菁選3篇)（擴展2）

——英語的小短笑話 (菁選3篇)

英語的小短笑話1

　　a kiss At a dinner party, the speaker, who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver a speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word "KISS" scribbled on it. The guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife must love you very much, I see her send you a 'KISS' before you begin your speech." The speaker smiled and explained, "You don't know my wife. The 'KISS' she give me stands for 'Keep It Short, Stupid.'"

英語的小短笑話2

　　A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"

　　An immediate re* came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."

英語的小短笑話3

　　The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party.Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment,he said,"Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow.When the door open,push with your foot."

　　"Why use my elbow and foot?"

　　"Well,gosh," was the re*,"You're not coming empty-hangded,are you?

非常短的英語小笑話 (菁選3篇)（擴展3）

——非常簡單的英語短笑話 (菁選2篇)

非常簡單的英語短笑話1

　　Leading questions

　　誘導(dǎo)性的**

　　Teacher:Billy, What does C-A-T Spell?

　　老師：比利，C-A-T拼出來是什么詞?

　　Billy：Don't know,sir.

　　比利：不知道，先生。

　　Teacher:What does your mother keep to catch mice?

　　老師：**媽用什么逮老鼠?

　　Billy：Atrap,sir.

　　比利：捕鼠夾，先生。

　　Teacher: No. What animal is fond of milk?

　　老師：不對，不對。什么動物非常喜歡喝牛奶?

　　Billy：The baby,sir.

　　比利：嬰兒，先生。

　　Teacher: You stupid! What was it that scratched your sister's face?

　　老師：你真笨!是什么東西抓破了你妹妹的臉?

　　Billy：My nails,sir,

　　比利：我的指甲，先生。

　　Teacher: You're putting me out of patiencel Do you see that animal in the yard? then tell me,what does C-A-T spell?

　　老師：你真叫我生氣!你看院予里是什么動物7告訴我，C-A-T

　　拼出來是什么字?

　　Bilty：Kitton，sir.

　　比利：Kitten(小貓)，先生。

非常簡單的英語短笑話2

　　The warden of the prison felt sorry for one of his inmates because every weekend on Visitor’s Day, most of the prisoners had family members and friends coming, but poor George always sat alone in his cell.

　　So one Visitor’s Day, the warden called George to his office and said, "I notice you’ve never had any visitors, George." Sympathetic, he put his hand on George’s shoulder. "Tell me, don’t you have any friends or family?"

　　George replied, "Oh, sure I do, Warden. It’s just that they’re all in here!"

　　典獄長對獄中一位囚犯深感同情，因為每逢周末的探訪日，大多數(shù)囚犯都有家人或朋友來訪，但是可憐的喬治總是孤伶伶地坐在自己的囚室中。

　　因此在一個探訪日，典獄長把喬治叫到辦公室說：“喬治，我注意到從來沒有人來探望過你�！彼麧M懷同情地把手放在喬治的肩膀上：“告訴我，你沒有任何朋友或家人嗎?”

　　喬治回答：“喔!當(dāng)然有，典獄長，只不過他們?nèi)�都在這里面!”

非常短的英語小笑話 (菁選3篇)（擴展4）

——帶翻譯的英語小笑話 (菁選3篇)

帶翻譯的英語小笑話1

　　He is really somebody!

　　" My uncle has 1000 men under him."

　　"He is really somebody. What does he do?"

　　"A maintenance man in a cemetery. "

　　他真是一個***!

　　“我叔叔下面有1000個人�！�

　　“他真是一個***。干什么的?”

　　“墓地守墓人�！�

帶翻譯的英語小笑話2

　　A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention,passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the threewe have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a result."

　　Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We justlost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive inLondon three hours late."

　　At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose anotherengine, we'll be up here all night!"

　　一架747客機正在跨越大西洋時，喇叭里傳來了機長的聲音：“旅客們請注意，我們的四個引擎中有一個丟失了。但剩下的三個引擎會把我們帶到倫敦的。只是我們要因此晚到一小時 。”

　　過了一會兒，旅客們又聽到機長的聲音：“各位，你們猜怎么啦 ?我們剛又掉了第三個引擎。但請你們相信好了。只有一個引擎我們也能飛，但要晚三個小時了�！�

　　正在這時，一位乘客非常氣憤地說：“看在上帝的.份上，如果我們再掉一個引擎，我們就要整夜都要呆在天**�！�

帶翻譯的英語小笑話3

　　but I'm not listening while doing my make-up.

　　In class Mary was looking at a samll mirror while combining her hair and doing her make-up. Theteacher noticed and commented, "you shouldn't do your make-up while listening to class."

　　Replied Mary, " but I'm not listening while doing my make-up."

　　可我化妝時沒聽課呀

　　課堂內(nèi)，瑪麗對著一個小鏡子束發(fā)，化妝。 老師發(fā)現(xiàn)了，說：“你不應(yīng)該聽課時化妝�！�

　　瑪麗回答說：“可我化妝時沒聽課呀。”

非常短的英語小笑話 (菁選3篇)（擴展5）

——英語講的小笑話 (菁選3篇)

英語講的小笑話1

　　雇主和雇員

　　Workman: "Mr. Brown, I should like to ask for a smallrise in my wages. I have just been married."

　　Employer: "Very sorry, my dear man, but I can't help you. For accidents which happen to our workmen outside the factory we are not responsible."

　　工人：“布朗先生，我想請您給我加一點工資。我剛剛結(jié)了婚�！�

　　雇主：“非常抱歉，老兄，但是我**為力。對工人在廠外發(fā)生的`事故我們概不負責(zé)�！�

英語講的小笑話2

　　第一次開出租車

　　A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath1, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.

　　The driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much." The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."

　　乘客輕拍了一下出租車司機的肩膀，想問個問題。司機大叫起來，車也失去了**，幾乎撞上一輛公車，還**便道，在還差幾厘米就撞上商店櫥窗時終于停了下來。

　　司機說，“伙計，別再這么干了。你把我嚇破膽了!”乘客抱歉地說，“我沒想到拍你一下就嚇成這樣�！� 司機說，“對不起，也不全是你的錯。今天是我第一天開出租。以前25年里我一直開殯葬車。”

英語講的小笑話3

　　Lawyer and Engineer

　　A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and the insurance company paid for everything."

　　"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."

　　The lawyer looked somewhat1 confused. "How do you start a flood?" he asked.

　　一個律師與一個工程師在加勒比海邊釣魚。律師說：“我到這里是因為我的房子被大火燒了，保險公司賠償了我所有的損失。”

　　“這太巧了，”工程師說，“我是因為房子被洪水沖垮了，保險公司也賠償了所有的損失。”

　　律師看起來有些困惑，“你是怎么引起洪水的?”他不解的問。

非常短的英語小笑話 (菁選3篇)（擴展6）

——短幽默英語笑話 (菁選3篇)

短幽默英語笑話1

　　A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his local doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies that the illness is quite serious but can be cured with a small course of two

　　suppositories inserted deep up the back passage. The man agrees, and so the doctor warns him of the pain, tells him to bend over, and shoves the thing way up his behind. The doctor then hands him the second dose and tells him to do the same thing in six hours time using rubber gloves and KY-Jelly or something.

　　So, the man goes home and later that evening tries to get the second suppository inserted, but he finds he cannot reach himself properly to obtain the required depth. Thus, he calls

　　his wife over and tells her what to do. The wife nods, puts one hand on his shoulder to steady him and with the other shoves the medicine home.

　　Suddenly the man screams in disgust.

　　"What's the matter?" asked his wife. "Did I hurt you?"

　　"No," replies the man, "but I just realized that when the doctor did that, he had BOTH hands on my shoulders."

短幽默英語笑話2

　　There was a little old lady who was nearly blind, and she had three sons who wanted to prove which one was the best to her.

　　Son #1 bought her a 15-room mansion, thinking this would surely be the best that any of them could offer her.

　　Son #2 bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included, thinking this would surely win her approval.

　　Son #3 had to do something even better, so he bought her a parrot that he had been training for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could ask the parrot any verse in the Bible, and he could quote it word for word. What a gift that would be.

　　Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, "Son, the house is just gorgeous, but it's really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it's too large to clean and take care of. I really don't need the house, but thank you anyway."

　　Then she confronted her second son with, "Son, the car is beautiful. It has everything you could ever want on it, but I don't drive and really don't like the chauffeur, so please return the car."

　　Next, she went to Son #3 and said, "Son, I just want to thank you for your most thoughtful gift. That chicken was delicious."

短幽默英語笑話3

　　A man in a taxi cab taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamsbloody murder, loses control of the cab, and swerves onto the sidewalk before stopping just inches from a lamppost.

　　After checking to make sure the passenger is OK, the driver says "I'm sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me!"

　　"Sorry. I didn't realize a simple tap on the shoulder would freak you out so much," the passenger says.

　　"It's not your fault," replies the cabbie.

　　"Today is my first day on the job after 25 years of driving a hearse."

非常短的英語小笑話 (菁選3篇)（擴展7）

——英語小笑話簡短 (菁選3篇)

英語小笑話簡短1

　　a man of actions

　　a crowd of student was gathered on the campus of oxford university. “you can have no doubt,” shouted a young man excitedly, “that if the dean does not take back what he said to me this morning, i’ll leave oxford this very evening!”

　　a buzzing noise followed. “what a man of actions!” one said in admiration. “how should we support him and learn from him!” said another.

　　suddenly, a girl asked, “what did the dean say to you, hob?”

　　he bent and whispered to her, “well,er???er???miss rose, er???he told me to get clean away from oxford this very evening!”

　　一個言出必行的人

　　一群學(xué)生聚在牛津的校園里，一個年輕人情緒激動地叫道：“毋庸置疑，如果那個家伙不收回他今早對我說的話，我今晚就離開牛津。”

　　下面一片喧嘩。“真是個言出必行的人�！币粋�人艷羨地說。另一個說：“我們要**他、學(xué)習(xí)他。”

　　突然，一個女孩問道：“那家伙對你說什么了，霍波?”

　　他彎下腰小聲說：“哦，呃…呃…，*，呃…他說要我今晚從牛津滾出去。”

英語小笑話簡短2

　　a woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch(門廊).

　　一位女士走向坐在門廊的椅子上搖動的小老頭。

　　i couldn't help noticing how happy you look, she says. what's your secret for a long, happy life?

　　我無意中發(fā)現(xiàn)，你是多么幸福，那女士說。你幸福而長壽的秘密是什么?

　　i smoke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never, ever exercise.

　　我每天抽三包煙，每周喝一箱威士忌，吃高脂肪食品，而且從來不曾鍛煉。

　　wow, that's amazing, says the woman. how old are you?

　　哦，真神奇，女士說。你高壽?

　　twenty-six.

　　二十六。

英語小笑話簡短3

　　"no," growled(咆哮) the quartermaster, "you can't have a new pair of shoes. the pair you have aren't worn out."

　　“不行，”軍需官大聲說：“你不能領(lǐng)一雙新鞋子，你穿著的'那雙還沒有穿破�！�

　　"not worn out," cried the recruit, " why, if i step on a dime i can feel if it's head or tails."

　　“沒穿破，”新兵叫道：“為什么?如果我踩到一個一角硬幣，我可以知道踩著的那面是頭還是字�！�

非常短的英語小笑話 (菁選3篇)（擴展8）

——短而精悍小笑話 (菁選2篇)

短而精悍小笑話1

　　1、不能活在自己的世界里，也不能活在別人的世界里，MD，沒地方活了。

　　2、剛才開車在路上，看到一輛雜牌小轎車，他用慣性漂移過彎，他的車速很快，如果你們知道他是誰，麻煩告訴他家人一聲，他連人帶車漂溝里了。

　　3、說**壞話不小心發(fā)群里了，又發(fā)現(xiàn)發(fā)的是同事群，不是**群，又發(fā)現(xiàn)群里有**，又發(fā)現(xiàn)**不在線，又發(fā)現(xiàn)**就在我身后。。。

　　4、教你一招如何泡到女神!你得先有房，沒房請找我，我可以給你講講買房流程!還能介紹筍盤給你。

　　5、歷史總是驚人的相似，昨天的此刻我餓了，今天的此刻我又TM餓了!

　　6、單身并不可怕，可怕的是你們都覺得我有好多男朋友。

短而精悍小笑話2

　　1、坐火車，半路上來一男一女兩個道士。

　　列車員檢票到他們跟前時，女道士說：我們是出家人，不用買票。

　　列車員：你看這車上哪個不是出家人!

　　一車廂的人都在笑。。。

　　2、路過辦公室，聽老板在里面對著文員妹妹大發(fā)雷霆：“我安排某某去南通開會，是江蘇南通!讓你給他買票你買哪去了?!為啥他跑四川南充去了?!”

　　3、老婆身體瘦弱，懷孕時體重也沒怎么長。兒子出生以后，八斤多。

　　醫(yī)生感慨道：又一個薄皮大餡的`!

　　4、一日**問韓寒：“請問韓寒先生，您母親和郭四娘一起掉進水里你先救哪一個?”

　　不少人納悶，怎么提這種問題，大家都在關(guān)注韓寒怎么回答。

　　韓寒肯定地說：“先救明明”。全場嘩然，議論紛紛。

　　韓寒看出了大家的疑惑，補充了一句“水深一米四”!